Mad Atoms

We live in a complicated and complex world where information, as well as misinformation, spreads at the speed of light. It has become almost impossible to find objective information let alone a credible news source. The amount of misinformation is exponential for subjects like politics considering the dumbest people are generally the most opinionated, loud and dogmatic which is referred to in most circles as the Dunning-Kruger effect. For example, just think back to college and all your dumbshit friends who became Poly-Sci majors, almost overnight developing a superiority complex. 

Collectively, we now have hundreds of thousands of said dumbshit college friends mass e-mailing, blogging and sometimes even managing to make it on television. Minor note to my friends and family: When you mass e-mail me some racist diatribe that says “verified on Snopes” and I then proceed to go onto Snopes to find that the opposite is in fact the truth, you will officially be filed into my “Probably a little ‘Syndromey’ / from West Virginia” folder. 

How does one manage to become informed while knee deep in the clusterfuck known as contemporary media? How can an intellectual form an educated opinion, let alone a run-of-the-mill citizen, and still be confident that it’s based on sound facts?

Well, that’s where the new “Golden Rule” comes into play. No matter how complicated, it will never fail. 

The New Golden Rule: Whatever George Bush does, thinks or wants, the exact opposite is correct.

And just because he’s not president anymore, doesn’t mean he can’t be used as an advisor to the public. Just walk on over to his house in Texas, where he’ll most likely be hammered because ‘Fuck it right? I can’t do any better than President,’ and ask him anything you’re confused about. 

“Hey George what’s up? Mind if I ask you a question?”

“Shoot, go for it! Hey, you wanna cold one?

“It’s nine in the morning G-dubs. I’ll pass. Anyways, what do you think about the current Israel-Palestine crisis going on right now?”

“Well, I stand 100% behind the action of Israel. Considering Israel and I understand each other so well, they have my unquestionable and blind support”

And there you have it. Just think to yourself “If Bush were in charge of Israel, what would he do?” and the truth will prevail. In this instance, Bush would have done the exact same thing as Israel, so it’s a mathematical proof that Israel is in the wrong. Math is never wrong. And to get the correct foreign policy, ask yourself “What is absolute last thing Bush would do?” and you’ll undoubtedly get the right answer like say, I don’t know, not standing idly by while thousands of innocent civilians die (on either side). 

If you need further proof about the authenticity of this rule, there is no better place to look than the past. Iraq? Wrong. Deregulating the financial sector? Wrong. Decreasing taxes while increasing spending? Wrong. Not giving a rat’s ass about Darfur or for that matter the whole continent of Africa? Wrong. Living anywhere in Texas besides Austin? Wrong!

So, if you’re in a pinch and need a political or moral compass, just remember the Golden Rule: “What Would George Walker Bush Do (WWGWBD or WWWD for short)?” and you’ll never be lead astray if you do the exact opposite. Unless it’s about partying. Then do EXACTLY what he’d do. You know Bush is still down for a little booger sugar now and then.