Mad Atoms

Cost

This year, I paid about $12,000 in federal income taxes. I paid $599 for my iPhone. Interestingly, both gave me refunds- Congress recently passed a stimulus package, from which I should receive $600, or %.05 of what I paid. Apple gave me back $100 dollars in apple store credit, about %17 of what I paid. Not only is iPhone cheaper than the federal government, but the refund it gave me was more substantial.

My Reputation Abroad

Have you been to a foreign country lately? Everyone thinks you’re an asshole because you’re an American. Foreigners feel obliged to tell you what a monster George W. Bush is, and when you say that you voted for the other guy, they look at you like you’ve just claimed that the MOMA is cooler than the Louvre. The iPhone, on the other hand, will probably get you laid abroad, and even if it doesn’t, it’s sure to impress Asians, who are obsessed with technology.

Transportation 

I’m pretty grateful for all these freeways and whatnot, but Eisenhower built those like fifty years ago. Since then foreign and monetary policy have caused gas prices to skyrocket. On the other hand, I can find my way around anywhere in the country with the Google maps feature on my iPhone.

Transparency

The Bush administration has been Stalin-esque when it comes to transparency. Dick Cheney claims executive privilege when you ask him about the weather. They’ve used draconian measures to deal with terrorism, and are now illegally spying on U.S. citizens. Apple, too, has had a bumpy track record when it comes to transparency. And for a while, it was locked in a veritable arms race with iPhone “hackers,” who only wanted to run 3rd-party applications and allow iPhones to be compatible with other service providers. 

But lately they’ve changed their tune a bit, releasing SDKs, opening the door for 3rd party applications. And while they’re still fighting off the hackers, they appear amenable to comprising a little. At least more than Dick Cheney and his man sized safe full of baby tears.*

Conclusion

The iPhone will get me jerked off. The U.S. government will just jerk me around.

* Source unconfirmed.