Mad Atoms

Why is Hollywood obsessed with assassins right now? Is it because we’re bogged down in a war we can’t possibly win, and we wished we had just assassinated a few people instead of destroying a country and trying in vain to rebuild it for the next 5 years? Just a theory.

So the superpower in this trailer is curving a bullet. From a gun. Kind of like putting spin on a bowling ball. What a useless super power! How many situations could there possibly be where that would come in handy? Maybe if something was in between you and your target… but couldn’t you just walk a few feet to the right? 

Even though the trailer looks like a cut and dry Matrix rip-off, I smelled something über-nerdy about it, what with the totally lame engraved bullets, so I looked it up on Wikipedia.

Here’s a shocker: this crap is based on a comic book. And check out this line: 

“[McAvoy’s character] follows the death orders issued by the Fates, weavers who read individuals’ destinies in fabrics produced by mystical looms.”

Fates? Weavers? Mystical looms? It’s as if some comic book dork read a Greek tragedy and thought, “While I’m ripping off the Matrix, I’ll rip-off this weird shit that I don’t even understand because there are no pictures.”

There once was a time where Angelina Jolie was hot. We called that time the 90’s. Now, all she does are crazy action films. When I imagine having sex with her, the fantasy ends with her killing and eating me. Not hot. Scary. Her sixteen adopted children must be terrified of her. 

Remember that five hour spy movie with Matt Damon? Every time Jolie was on screen the movie became totally unrealistic, because she was wasn’t tearing someone apart with her bare hands or anything. It just goes to show the extent to which Hollywood controls our minds, because it’s not like she looks buff or manly, it’s just that movies have brainwashed us into thinking she’s the ultimate killing machine. 

I understand this, and yet, I am still afraid.