Mad Atoms

I hate comic books. Except The Watchmen. Millions of single guys have said those two sentences during the last twenty years, and I'm one of them. (And no, it’s not a graphic novel, it’s got pictures and bubbles with dialogue, and here on Earth we call those comic books, nerdy).

As a Watchman fan, this preview looks looks pretty awesome. They even managed to make the naked blue guy look cool. But what is that fucking song? Is this emo-watchmen? Are all the characters going to have bad eye make-up and hair drooping over their foreheads? My sources say that it’s The Smashing Pumpkins. I didn’t know anyone still listened to those guys, I thought they were like the M.C. Hammer of 90’s Alternative Rock.

"From the visionary director who brought you 300"? Are you kidding me? If putting a bunch of gay dudes in greek outfits and shaving their chests is visionary, then the entire city of West Hollywood is filled with visionaries. 

I think i saw the next Orson Welles sniffing amyl nitrate while getting blown by the next Stanley Kubrick in an alley the other day.

It’s funny how the only recognizable actor in this trailer is Billy Cruddup, and he gets blown up thirty seconds in, only to be brought back to life as a digitally-created motion-capture blue man. Those visionaries, they hate movie stars!

Another thing they apparently love is slow motion. This whole trailer is in slow motion, save for a few shots that speed up- it’s basically the same preview as 300, only without the six packs and the blatant anti-Persian racism.

In fact, The Watchmen, which is set in the 1980’s (not the real 1980’s, the fake 1980’s, where Nixon is still the president and people where only one wristwatch at a time), should help us all stop hating A-rabs and starting hating, once again, the Russians. And maybe the Vietnamese. Just a little bit.