Mad Atoms

A couple of weeks ago I’m in bed with my girlfriend and we’re tussling, rolling around, having a good time and just as we’re about to do it, she stops everything and says, “Jesus Christ, take your socks off!”  

“Really? Can’t it wait?” I asked.

“No. Please take them off. Now.” She demands. 

So because I wanted to have sex I didn’t argue with her and took my socks off. But the whole time we’re bumping uglies I’m thinking (besides, “don’t finish yet, don’t finish yet”), “Why the hell did she want me to take my socks off?” 

Seriously, what’s the big deal? Why is it so important? If a chick is having sex with me she can leave on any piece of clothing she wants. She can wear a goddamn parka and a ski mask for all I care (okay, that’s actually pretty sexy now that I think of it). I don’t care what she wears as long as she’s banging me. But it seemed like my girlfriend REALLY needed to have my socks off before we had sex. Like she wouldn’t enjoy it if I left them on. Like it was tacky or offensive or just downright inappropriate. And that seems ridiculous because:1) the lights are off 2) we don’t do any sort of foot fetish play 3) me naked is not that great a sight to begin with so what’s the difference if I have socks on or not?

When I asked my girlfriend about it later she said, “I just don’t like it.” Which to me is not a good enough answer. Sure, “I just don’t like it” is a fine answer if I had asked her for anal or to bring her hot-ass co-worker in for a threesome. But that response really doesn’t explain the no socks rule. Socks don’t come into play during sexual intercourse. It doesn’t make it any worse or better (unless I’m completely doing it wrong, which has been mentioned to me in the past). 

Maybe she thought it was disrespectful? Maybe she felt it was unsexy? Maybe she felt it meant I didn’t love her? I really have no fucking clue as to why having socks on during sex is somehow wrong. All I know is if I ever want to have sex again I have to make sure that they are off. 

But here’s my thought: leaving my socks on is a compliment. It means that I want you so badly that I can’t be bothered to take my socks off. It means that I have to have you – now. It means that nothing else is as important right now as being with you. 

Or it could just mean that my feet are fucking freezing.