Mad Atoms

At last, something we have all been fantasizing about for a long time but never dared to dream could actually happen— a show about sex with our parents. Yeah! Finally, right? MTV's new reality TV show "Sex with Mom and Dad" is bringing together two things that most of us have been trying to keep as separate as possible in our minds for most of our lives – parents and sex.

I can’t tell if the show is meant to teach kids about healthy sexual practices or to horrify parents with graphic descriptions of what their slutty Sally is getting up to in the sack with God knows who from the football, basketball, lacrosse and chess teams. I guess “Doctor” Drew will get the whole fam-damnly together to talk dirty for a while before sending them all on “two fun yet daunting tasks” which I’m guessing are a no-holds-barred shopping spree at a freaky deaky sex shop followed by a family fun discount package at a local transsexual whore house. These are just guesses. I haven’t actually watched the show, because I don’t like throwing up, and I already watched Paris Hilton’s New BFF crapfest and I’m down a meal.

What this show is really about is finding a entire family who is willing to embarrass themselves on national TV for the faint chance that their kid will be the next Lindsay Lohan or worse, Tila Tequila.

And best of all, parents dont have to pay for singing lessons or fancy headshots. Or put their kids through the “Future Hos Of America” program commonly known as “The Mickey Mouse Club.”

The only thing anyone is going to learn from this nightmare of a reality TV show is that their daughter’s “close friend” from the cheerleading squad, the one they let sleep over and who even went on vacation with them last year to Yosemite, is actually their daughter’s lesbian dominatrix sex-slave, and that hello kitty backpack she always brings over for “slumber parties” is actually filled with sex toys for the massive orgies they’ve been having down in the basement, while mom and dad were upstairs, thinking they were playing Dance Dance Revolution and doing each other’s hair.