Mad Atoms

What would have been righteous would be if Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino made a movie together 20 years ago. I guess that movie Heat was pretty good, except that it was about 16 hours too long.

Both DeNiro and Pacino have, sadly, become carbon copies of carbon copies of their former selves. Pacino plays the dry, sarcastic New Yorker with a penchant for yelling inappropriately. DeNiro plays the hapless, disgruntled New Yorker with a penchant for mumbling.

But at a combined age of 131 years, these are no spring chickens. Don’t cops get to retire once they hit 60? I mean, my dad is 65. I like him just fine, but I don’t want him chasing after a serial killer.

If you blink while watching this trailer, you might miss Curtis Jackson, aka, 50 Cent. Poor Fiddy appears in a grand total of one and a half non-consecutive seconds in this trailer. The black man has a tough enough time getting a decent role in movies, now he can’t even get a line in a trailer? Hollywood is so fucking racist.

To top it all off, some poor bastard (someone in G-Unit?) has gone and made a Sympathy for the Devil hip-hop remix, and stuck it on the end of this trailer.

This is what happens when baby boomers make movies- it’s like if the characters from the Big Chill decided to write a screenplay together. They take these great things from the 60’s and 70’s- DeNiro, Pacino, and the Stones- and re-package them as something that’s new, hip, and relevant. Except they’re none of those things, they are just fucking old.