Mad Atoms

Since the beginning of time, police officers have garnered a reputation for being, to put it delicately, lazy and smug donut disposals. Their behavior has also earned them the title of, “Pigs,” as well as a song in their honor, courtesy of NWA aptly titled, “Fuck Tha Police.” 

I know this all seems harsh on paper and perhaps unfairly imposed but surely there must be some truth behind the it. The entire country cannot all coincidentally have an innate hatred towards authority. Obama, anyone? Loves.

Nowadays, I can’t seem to distinguish the difference between real life cops and the cast of Reno 911! They’re both just a bunch of ordinary people with a license to carry around a gun.

It disturbs me to think that anyone can become a police officer, myself included. Am I capable of protecting myself? Absolutely not, so why would I feel protected by a police officer? Answer: I don’t.

I wish I could start fresh and view police officers for what they are meant to be, peacekeepers, but alas an incident that took place seven years ago has tarnished that wish for me.

There I was at the ripe age of seventeen, cruising along the boulevard in my big, black ford explorer that at a little over five feet tall I looked absolutely ridiculous in.

I was most likely jamming out to Nelly; I was oddly really into Nelly. Weird. Anyway, I was nearly at my destination when BOOM. Rear-ended. By a cop. There was glass everywhere, airbags had exploded, and suddenly hundreds of unicorns were trotting all around me. It wasn’t a pretty scene but I had managed to escape unscathed.

In typical shady policeman fashion, he tried to take full advantage of my surmised naivety, and convince me that this was a tiny accident, no one was hurt, and he probably hit me doing about ten.

I nodded, playing along with his Jedi, policeman mind trick, and just as he was about to walk away, calmly replied, “Alright, well I’m just going to ask my dad to come and give his professional, attorney opinion on this matter.” It was definitely the most unapologetically bratty, LA girl stunt I have ever pulled but I didn’t give a shit. Watching him lose his composure as he silently realized that he had just been fucked in the ass by a teenage girl, who listened to Nelly and whose dad was going to sue the shit out of him, was pretty fucking awesome.

Honestly, I don’t hate cops. They have a dirty job but someone has got to do it. I just wish more of them would put a little more compassion into their jobs, and make some sort of attempt to reverse the stigma that surrounds them. Had a regular Samaritan rear-ended me, I am fairly positive he would have owned up to his actions.