Mad Atoms

As Mad Men so often portrays, business lunches used to be awesomely booze-soaked affairs. I'd always assumed that "three martini lunch" was a joke expression, something you might say if you randomly decided to get wasted during the middle of the day. I had no idea it used to be a genuine practice. But, as The Sopranos inspired me to eat, Mad Men inspires me to drink, so after a recent viewing I drunkenly did some research: the “three martini lunch” was a way of life for American businessmen up until the 70’s. Good food, strong drinks, then back to the grind. 

On behalf of office drones everywhere who feel like a deadbeat for ordering a single margarita from Applebee's during lunch break... what the hell happened?!  

Turns out, Jimmy "malaise forever" Carter happened. During his 1976 presidential campaign, he came out hard against white-collar privilege, in this context Wall Street types writing off these "martini lunches" as business expenses, whereas blue-collar workers couldn't (I'd also imagine there weren't a lot of swanky lobster and martini bars near coal mines). This combined with an increasing social stigma against daytime boozin' effectively killed the very American practice of the “three martini lunch.” 

I doubt many people would argue with Carter about Wall Street’s abuse of our financial system, but I think businessmen writing-off their power lunches got tragically confused with something as pure and beautiful as getting a solid buzz on at noon so you can stomach the rest of your shitty workday.  

I referred to the “three martini lunch” as "very American" because only in America would such a practice need to be created or killed. I’ve been to Europe. Those people are made of beer. They never stop drinking. Come on, let’s re-examine the “martini lunch,” white-collar America! Laws have been passed to curb the write-offs. And tax loopholes aside, blue-collar workers probably shouldn’t work drunk anyway. They use dangerous machinery and tools and shit.

Besides, blue-collar workers have the satisfaction of working with their hands and providing practical and necessary services to the world. Your job is inane and it’s slowly making you fat. Take a nip at lunch today. Chili’s is probably having two-for-one’s. You don’t do any actual work anyway. Now those youtube videos of cats getting stuck in things will be extra amazing.  Remember, Jimmy Carter didn’t get re-elected for a reason.