Mad Atoms

In the past few months, I've seen both R. Kelly and Nick Cannon labeled as "rappers" in articles by legitimate news outlets, when Kelly is clearly a singer and Cannon is more or less an actor. (Granted, Cannon has released a rap album, but so have the Chicago Bears.)

I don't ask much from the media when it comes to black celebrities, but at least know why they're celebrities in the first place. I once saw a newspaper article with a photo of Damon and Keenan Ivory Wayans that had a caption that read, "Shawn and Marlon Wayans." Holy hell, man, that's like calling Bill Clinton Roger Clinton.

I let it slide at the time, but enough is enough. I'm starting to take names. I was afraid I'd lost the R. Kelly article, but luckily my wife saved a copy in a file she labeled "Unbridled White Ignorance". Here it is, with a headline that clearly reads: "Defense Wants Reporter to Testify in Rapper Trial".

Rapper?!? The guy sang "I Believe I Can Fly," for chrissake. Why not call Luther Vandross a rapper while you're at it, Mr. Associated Press writer Michael Tarm? Or should I say Josef Mengele? Not so cute when you're confused for someone else, is it, mein führer?

Look, just because a guy has cornrows, is on trial for a felony, and occasionally urinates on hoochies doesn’t mean he’s a rapper. If he had dreadlocks, would he automatically be a weed head reggae singer? If he were seven feet tall, would he be a basketball player? If he wore a bulletproof vest as a fashion statement, would he suddenly be a gangsta? Must all we black people fight a stigma of assumed identity? How’d you like it if I assumed that all newspaper reporters plagiarize like that guy from the New York Times?

(In hindsight, I’d have a stronger case if that reporter wasn’t black.)