Mad Atoms

Columbia Pictures has officially denied rumors that Judd Apatow is involved with Ghostbusters 3. For a moment, we were all abuzz about the current King of Film Comedy taking on one of the most beloved comedy franchises of all time.  I guess we'll never know for sure what an Apatow Ghostbusters would have been like, but here are a few guesses: 

* The old Ghostbusters retire and the new Ghostbusters-in-training are Paul Rudd, Seth Rogan, Jason Segal and the black warehouse guy from The Office.  Even if Rudd and Rogan weren't in the film, they would at least have earned a paycheck from it somehow. 

* There's a scene where Egon tries to help Ray get into his proton pack, but the zipper on Ray's jumpsuit gets stuck on Egon's Slime Blowser, and the two struggle on the floor.  Peter walks in and it looks like Egon and Ray are having gay sex.  Egon and Ray get up off the floor and affirm their heterosexuality with a series of comical grunts. 

* Peter scores some weed, and the Ghostbusters get high in the Containment Unit room.  They have a mostly improvised 15 minute conversation about whether they could beat the Ninja Turtles in a fight. 

* Appearing as ghosts: Steve Carrell, Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill (as Slimer), anyone from The Office who's not doing anything the summer of filming, and James Franco as the ghost of the pot dealer from Pineapple Express, thereby officially tying the Apatow and Ghostbusters universes together.

* There's a female love interest plot that derails and gets lost about half-way in.  The only love the Ghostbusters need is their love for each other, which is completely heterosexual.

* Michael Cera plays a kid on the street who gets scared by a ghost, and nervously stammers on screen for 18 minutes.  (That's the length of the scene in both the theatrical and extended editions.) If Michael Cera is not available, replace with Jay Baruchel and Martin Starr and cut the scene to 2 minutes.

* Following the success of Ghostbusters 3, they'll relaunch The Real Ghostbusters as an hour long TV dramady.  It'll be moody, artistically brilliant, and will get cancelled after 6 episodes. 

* The Ghostbusters do a lot less busting, and a lot more discussing their feelings for one another. 

* The "Who Ya Gonna Call - Unrated DVD Edition" is 3 and a half hours long.  The theatrical version is only 2 hours and 45 minutes.

* Full-frontal male ghost nudity.

* Box Office Gross: $185 bazillion dollars.