Mad Atoms

Next to knowing a guy who’s friends with a guy, or being the relative of someone famous, a good headshot is one of the best ways to get acting work. Casting people, the only people dumber than actors and executives, will forget your name while you are telling it to them. They will however remember your face or tits. This is where the headshot is useful.

It is supposed to be representative of what the actor looks like at their very best. So what are you to do when someone shows you their headshot, and it sucks balls?

For example, a girl I know recently added her expensive new headshot photo to her Facebook profile. The photo is obviously “professional” in that she’s in focus and she isn’t taking a picture of herself in the mirror with her T-Mobile Sidekick. Thumbnail size, it looks ok. However, full size, it makes her look like she has a bald spot the size of a silver dollar. Plus, there are dark circles under her eyes, giving the impression she’s a meth addict, perhaps the kind that stays up all night worrying about her bald spot.

Unless she auditioning for a George Romero movie or a Courtney Love biopic, I don’t think this headshot is going to get her much work.

Don’t get me wrong. This girl is not unattractive.

Given the opportunity, I would hit that.

But because I’d like to leave open the possibility of laying pipe, or at the very least, heavy petting, I cannot just come out and say “Your headshot makes you look like a very tired Bruce Willis wearing eye shadow.”

Since I’m not the only one in LA who knows actors, I’ve come up with these handy guidelines for when people show you their terrible headshots.

Good friend? – Tell them. You want them to get famous and get you into clubs.

Girl or guy you’d like to bone? – “You look great!” This has never led to any kind of boneing, but I’m not going to stop trying.

Everyone else? – Take it, say they look great, and when they are no longer around, immediately toss it in the garbage. Or, if you care about the earth, recycle it!