TRAILER TRASH
GRAN TORINO
- 10 December 2008 1:13pm / Writer: Hillel Aron / Artist: Garry Brown / Views: 1709
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12.10
First of all, how the fuck does Clint Eastwood direct a movie that comes out in October, and another one that comes out in December? The guy is like 600 years old. What’s he doing making 2 movies a year? Is this part of some new reality show? Did he make a bet with Spike Lee?
The man has made five movies in three years. Maybe he's an evil Republican cyborg created to remind us of a time when we cared about crime and gangs instead of the price of bread. Doesn’t this asshole read the papers? Crime is down like a thousand percent. Bernhard Goetz is devoting his time to saving squirrels. Vigilante justice is so 1985.
Seriously though, he’s older than John McCain. Look it up.
In Gran Torino, which I believe is Italian for Republican douche bag, Clint Eastwood plays himself; that is, the 600 year old version of Dirty Harry, who actually tells some Chinese punks, "Get off my lawn!" while pointing a gun at them.
When I tell people that this is the line, they don’t believe me, but I swear I’m telling the truth.
So Eastwood has a feud with the Asian gang, the ones who were on his lawn. And of course, he beats the shit out of them with his bare hands. If they were a black gang, they’d have let Clint get as far as "Get off-" before blowing his fucking head off. Apparently, only an Asian gang would let Clint Eastwood get the drop on them. Even Spike Lee can agree with that.
You know what’s hilarious? When a trailer has a flashback to a shot in the trailer. And in black and white, too, just to make sure you know. I mean, come on. We just saw that shot 15 seconds ago. Our attention span isn’t that short.
Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Clint Eastwood is too old to be making movies or acting in movies or leaving the house.
