Mad Atoms

Anderson Cooper's news show "Anderson Cooper 360" recently counted down the "Ten Most Wanted Culprits of the Collapse," to show who's to blame for the country's current financial crisis. It includes the people you'd expect, like Richard Fuld of Lehman Brothers, and former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan. But number one on the list? "You." As in all of us. Including me. Seriously, Anderson Cooper? Don't try to pin our nation's problems on me. Fuck you.

I guess I get what you're trying to say, Anderson Cooper.  Consumers using credit to buy houses, cars and other things that were more expensive than they could afford was a major part of the financial collapse.  At least that's what I've heard while trying to make sense of all this.  But that's not what I do.  I haven't been spending money on frivolous things I can't afford.  I barely ever buy anything at all.  So don't act like you know me, Anderson Cooper.  Fuck you.

I didn't take out a crazy loan to buy a house.  I have an apartment I share with two roommates.  When I needed a car a couple years ago, I bought what I could afford - a 1999 Chevy Cavalier for $3000.  I bought my cell phone for $50, my shoes from K-Mart for $15, and a microwave from Goodwill for $20.  Generally, the one meal I eat every day is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Instead of getting a new bed, I sleep on the same bed I’ve had since I was five.  I don’t take women out on extravagant dates.  Or on any dates, for that matter.  Maybe that’s not by choice, but it still shows that I’m fiscally responsible, Anderson Cooper.  Fuck you.

I know that any job I have could be short-lived, so when I make money, I save it.  In short, I put as little money into the national economy as possible.  And by not spending money, companies can’t make money, and then they have to cut jobs and . . . okay.  I guess it actually is my fault after all.  My bad.  But that still does not change my main point, which is, Anderson Cooper, go fuck yourself.