The U.S. Government is spying on you. Right now. I’m not joking. If you don’t believe me then you can:
A) Check out the FISA bill
B) Go fuck yourself. If this is the first you’ve heard of FISA, then it is your fault that this bill passed in the first place. Do yourself and the country a favor and pick up a newspaper once in a while, jackass.
Some conspiracy theorists say that “they” are literally recording everything we say on the phone and do on the Internet. Well, if that’s the case I feel sorry for the poor schmuck who has to root through the garbage can that is my daily conversations. I’ve taken the liberty of arranging some samples from a Gmail chat that I had with my friend J. Arthur Penman to show them what they have to look forward to reading:
Part #1 – See 4chan! Look what you’ve done to us!
Penman: some guy posted naked pics of his ex on /b/
me: and?
Or are you just telling me what you're going to fap to later?
Penman: it's hilarious
That’s all
I don’t think I could fap to something like that
Penman: I mean
Pictures in general have lost a lot of their fapability what with streaming video and whatnot
me: so then what’s the story with these pictures?
Penman: she was cheating on him
She’s ok
But I mean I fuck hotter chicks regularly so it’s nothing special
Penman: she’s just standing there
Got her fingers in her cooch
Whatever.
Penman: amateur stuff=no thanks
Part #2 – The casualties of comedy
Penman: that’s how Michelle pisses me off
Making pregnancy jokes
me: not cool
Penman: then I make punching her in the stomach and pushing her down the stairs jokes
Then we’re both mad
Part #3 - Two gentlemen on relationships
me: you know how I can tell your girlfriend sucks?
She likes Tiffany’s jewelry
Well, either sucks or is Asian
Or in a sorority
Or all of the above
I just go to downtown LA and buy shit that normally costs hundreds of dollars
For cents on the dollar
Of higher quality but it doesn’t say "Tiffany" on it
You better get anal for that shit
Penman: I dunno if she even likes Tiffany’s
I just know she likes name brands
Serious on the anal though
I had my dick like half up her butt last night
It’s a start
me: half?
What stopped you?
Penman: a number of things
me: nothing short of hurricane Katrina would have stopped me
These gems were taken from just one conversation. There are literally years of conversations that are far more offensive and retarded than you can even begin to imagine. So move along U.S. government, there’s nothing to see here. You might want to focus on people like Hillel Aron. Doesn’t he just sound like a terrorist? Also, I’m pretty sure Mark Harris is some sort of minority. You better keep an eye on him before he moves into a white neighborhood and lowers everyone else’s property values.
