Mad Atoms

You've got the location, the music and the alcohol.  You're ready to throw the most mind-blowing party ever, sure to end with police brutality and a mention in tomorrow's paper.  You send out the Facebook invite, and immediately your party's reputation is scarred.  Why?  Because of this phrase, posted on the party's Wall: 

"I can't make it - sorry!" 

Recently, I was the co-host of a big holiday party.  For all the prep work we did to make sure the party would be awesome, our Facebook page was dogged by these momentum-killing comments - like piranas nibbling at a swimmer's legs.  Worse yet, a lot of these posts were being left by girls.  Fuck! 

On Evite, it's okay to leave a public comment saying you're not going to be there, because: 

1.  Evite purposely hides the negative comments in its page design.

2.  Who gives a shit about Evite?  ALL parties look terrible when you're "evited."  They have thousands of invite themes, each one worse than the next.

However, Facebook is a whole other story.

It doesn't separate between good and bad Wall comments, so having a bunch of shady Wall posts is an immediate red flag to a potential party-goer.  So if you want to ruin someone's party attendance, my suggestion is to post, "Oooh sorry. Can't make it. My cousin's bat mitzvah!" on their Wall, then get a bunch of other people to do the same. 

It's okay if you can't make the party, but why make a public statement?  If you're worried about being polite, send a private message to the party host.  No need to shout "this party probably sucks" to the other guests.  Wall posts should be limited to statements like: "sounds awesome," "can't wait" and "we're are gonna get so fucking hammered!  Yeah!  You guys are my BROS!!!" 

Despite the negative early press, our party was a big hit.  At first, it was just a bunch of close friends, but by the end of the night, we had spill-over crowd into the front lawn.  There were lots of girls, plenty of noise and even a little puking.  The early party goers texted their friends, and they texted their friends, and so on until we had a great crowd. 

The lesson here is that a flawless Facebook invite helps, but the most important part of throwing an amazing party is, well, throwing an amazing party.  And Jell-O shots. And titties.