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THE FRAUD AND THE FURY

CREDIT CRUNCH

11.25

In recent months I have been the recipient of a practical joke. Someone has challenged the judgment of data entry clerks by submitting business reply cards for magazines subscriptions to my house under unthinkable names. Now, if you ran a magazine would you first send it to Peanutbutter Pussynuts and bill him/her later? How about Registered Sex Offender? Or Leaking Anus? Well if you are the publisher of The Nation, Smithsonian or Vanity Fair, the answer is yes. Every day I get half a dozen magazines that I didn’t order to names I can’t believe got printed on an invoice.

Today, things took a turn for the even more absurd when I received a credit card for Irritable Bowel. This wasn’t a credit card offer; it was a credit card with a $3,000 limit with the name Irritable Bowel stamped in it. Now I understand that if Irritable Bowel was an actual person, his rights would have been violated by me opening his mail. I say his because I assume the bowel to be masculine. Real or not, using Mr. Bowel’s credit card to fuel a pre-depression shopping spree probably constitutes some kind of crime. Lucky for me, the Apple Store never asked to see ID. Unless they mail a policeman to arrest me, I think I'll be fine.

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5 / Total votes: 5



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8 Comment(s)

  • Arbi says:
    November 25, 2008 11:58am HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Comment rating: 0
  • Brendan says:
    November 25, 2008 1:30pm Meanwhile, I, a real person, can't get a credit card. Maybe I'll change my name to Loan Defaulter.
    Comment rating: 0
  • Real Name says:
    November 29, 2008 7:40pm Thanks for the knee slapper. We get a lot of mail addressed to our web site URL too. I wonder what the postman thinks? Jo Editor http://www.MasterDebator.com
    Comment rating: 0
  • Fierce Cumbeast says:
    December 01, 2008 1:34pm Hey Schriner, can I read that copy of the Nation when you're done with it? Me and my old pal Swampy Bitchmouth let our subscription run out.
    Comment rating: 0
  • Barnaby Cockcroft says:
    December 02, 2008 2:12am Waiter, put that round of drinks on the Bowel account. I need all the help I can get to forget about where that tapeworm has been.
    Comment rating: 0
  • Takame Forasaka says:
    December 02, 2008 3:04am Nothing should surprise us. Giving billions to a bank for messing up. hahahahaha.
    Comment rating: 0
  • Dork Knight says:
    December 02, 2008 12:47pm Ha Ha, that's priceless, pun intended. What will they think of next?
    Comment rating: 0
  • May Q. Cum says:
    December 02, 2008 4:28pm The bowels' of this earth should watch out!
    Comment rating: 0

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