Mad Atoms

1. SCIENTOLOGY BASHING
Delivered in a conspirital/ominious tone by some gasbag, usually accompanied by a shopworn anecdote about a blue-shirter on Hollywood Boulevard. I call foul; if I go around lambasting Christianity, an equally absurd religion with even more many celebrity members, with a similar complete lack of empirical evidence, how long will it be until I get fired? How would sauntering past the camera while make a snide observation about Judaism go over? Fact is, you don't see Scientologists flying planes into buildings, or defending their clergy from child molestation charges, so give them a fucking break. I didn't like Battlefield Earth either, but at least Travolta has never fire-bombed an abortion clinic. All religions are equally asinine and intellectually invalid, so going around criticizing one when you're a card-carrying member of another makes you a hypocritical heap of garbage.

2. COLD WATER = POISON
Thirsty from the 100 degree temperatures, I grab a bottle of ice-cold water from the cooler, and prepare to pour it down my parched throat when I hear "you shouldn't drink cold water, it's bad for you.”

 Is it the Surgeon General? My personal physician? No, it’s just some asshole that likes to give unsolicited advice. They continue, "cold water is a shock to your system, you should drink room temperature water." If this was an isolated incident, I’d only be too happy to ignore it, but this happens a lot. First off, I never asked anyone their opinion on the issue of drinking cold water in the first place, and two, I already drink like Sisyphus at an open bar and suffer from crippling stress and a lousy diet. Leave me this vice.

3. MOUTH BREATHING NITWITS TALKING ABOUT POLITICS

"Gas? Going to be ten bucks a gallon by the end of summer, just you watch."

"Iran and China are going to team up and attack us."

"What [some candidate] should have done, is [something that isn’t possible], that would have been the smart thing."

 Oh yeah? If you’re such an expert in geopolitical theory then how come you’re working for a motorhome rental company, and not the State Department? I didn’t know wearing a filthy Panavision t-shirt gave you such insight into the subtleties of Middle Eastern politics. You a high-priced political advisor? You write celebrated books on political theory? Oh, you push around a wheeled cart full of sandbags? Okay, keep your infantile opinions to yourself.