Mad Atoms

I recently got back from a trip to the Bahamas. When I think of visiting a tropical island, or anywhere that is known for being a tourist destination in a traditionally poor environment, I always imagine that the locals would think I'm an ignorant American and that they can easily take my money. 
 
If they didn't think I was stupid and had money to burn, why would our hotel in Nassau charge $16 for a four-ounce bottle of sunscreen? And why did I pay for it? 
 
This assumption reached its logical conclusion when my girlfriend and I got mugged. 
 
We rented a scooter to take out for a tour of the island. After a while, we pulled over at a secluded lot in a state park. While we were looking at a map that was posted there, a car started approaching us, coming down a dirt trail from the beach. 
 
I recognized this car. It was an Impala with tinted windows that had tailgated us for several miles but had never passed us. Now, after they had been following us and even as they cornered us in a secluded lot where we stood defenseless, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. 
 
In fact, I thought, "Gee, I hope where we parked the scooter isn't in their way." 
 
Abruptly, the car stopped and a guy jumped out of the passenger seat. There's been a lot of disagreement between my girlfriend and I over how big this guy really was. She seems to think he was like a Michael Clarke Duncan, while I swear he wasn't any bigger than the kid from The Blind Side. The point is, his size was a definite weapon. 
 
But first, they confuse you. The guy told us the scooter we were driving was stolen. The time it took me to come up with a well-thought-out rebuttal ("No, it's not.") was enough time for him to open the storage compartment on the scooter and take out my girlfriend's purse. 
 
Only then did I realize what was going on. As they guy started to walk away with the bag, I followed him a little and attempted to reason with him further. 
 
"Hey, man, come on, don't." This almost always works when dealing with bullies. 
 
His response was not only to yell "Fuck you!" but turn around and act like he was going to beat the shit out of me (quite convincingly). But the driver of the car honked, and just like that, they took off. 
 
While technically only my girlfriend was robbed, I ended up having to pay for everything else while we were on vacation. Since I'm a "comedian" and she has a "job," this is definitely not the natural order of things. 
 
But the worst part is that some nagging part of me is sure that the scooter rental place was in on it. The guy who worked there didn't really try to hide the fact that he thought I was a moron with disposable income. He laughed at me as I was learning how to drive the scooter and then he upsold me on an all-day package. Before we left, he asked us where we would be driving. 
 
And the worst, worst part is that when I returned it, he talked me into giving him a good tip anyway.