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  • Worm Miller
    1

    In 1957, Worm tragically drowned at camp while counselors were inconsiderately having sex. Or so everyone thought. Ambiguously undead, Worm vengefully returned decades later and has been happily killing sexy idiots ever since. He's fought Corey Feldman and Freddy Krueger and gone into space. He hopes someday to fight Michael Meyers and a Predator.

  • Calvin Rockefeller
    2

    Calvin usually sleeps, eats and poops at least once a day. He likes to make jokes, which usually involve a sexual organ of some sort since that's far easier than coming up with something original. On the weekends he enjoys exposing himself in the ball pit at McDonald's Play Places.

  • Mark Harris
    3

    Mark Harris is the token black guy and is good at it. After all, he's been the token black guy writing for websites like PopMatters, About.com, Napster, and even his own site, BlackHorrorMovies.com. So, don't any of you ambitious Negroes get any ideas about invading his turf; there can be only one.

  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    INSTANT LEGITIMACY WITH VIDEO CAMERAS
    26 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Peter Dean Rickards
    Video may have killed the radio star, but it's created a butt-load of new stars to take his place.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    THIS IS SO NOT THE JETSONS
    07 November 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: James Debenham
    I must say, I'm disappointed, 21st Century.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    UNEMPLOYED IN LA
    09 December 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Roxie Vizcarra
    Who needs a job with such nice weather?
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    PLEASE DON’T DIE, AMY WINEHOUSE
    16 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Sean Metcalf
    I don't want to see you to be martyred, like Jeff Buckley or Tupac.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    AFI’S TOP 10 CELEBRITY SEX TAPES
    07 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Gustavo Cisneros
    This is one meaningless movie countdown I'd watch.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    CELEBRITY RETARDATION
    28 May 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Mister Unlucky
    Stardom is the lead poisoning in the water fountain of show business.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    RECYCLING SUCKS
    08 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: David Futcher (bobbo)
    Saving the planet is annoying.
  • SPLOOGED
    WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF PORN
    04 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Sarah Dvojack
    The San Fernando Valley is the porn capital of the world. So, why doesn't it act like it?
  • ALL FOR ROFL
    SIGNS THAT YOUR MEME IS DEAD
    23 July 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Hershel Self
    It appears in a Weezer video...
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    THE PANACEA OF VEGETARIANISM
    14 November 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: András Jókúti
    Rub this broccoli on your scrotum and call me in the morning.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    DIGITAL KILLED THE VIDEO STAR
    20 October 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Piotr Kozłowski
    Who needs actors when you have programmers?
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    HOW TO MAN UP WHILE WALKING TEACUP YORKIES
    13 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Constanza Hwang
    Think you're man enough to walk a tiny dog? Think again.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    PLEASE STOP DRESSING LIKE A PIMP FOR HALLOWEEN
    28 October 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Julia Arielle
    You look like a douche.
  • ALL FOR ROFL
    THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS: DIABLO CODY VERSION
    21 May 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Hillel Aron
    Izzabe Lizzincoln was one dope home skillet.
  • LIVING THE DREAM
    I WAS A TEENAGE LAUGH WHORE
    15 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Duygu Musveddesi
    I've done some ugly things with my mouth that I'm not proud of...
  • MADATOMS PERSONALS
    THE INDIGNITIES OF MONOGAMY
    07 October 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Karolina Bajda
    My balls are around here somewhere...
  • ALL FOR ROFL
    AIN’T IT COOL NEWS REVIEWS MY LATEST DUMP
    14 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Torri Garcia
    I've seen my latest bowel movement, and really, it wasn't all that great.
  • POLITICALLY ERECT
    BARACK OBAMA: AMERICA’S BLACK FRIEND
    28 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Schwa
    With Obama in the White House, America as a whole can claim one black friend.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    UNRATED FOR YOUR VIEWING DISPLEASURE
    06 October 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Ted Sabarese
    Can I un-watch unrated DVDs?
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    MUSIC THAT SHOULDN’T BE BLASTED IN YOUR CAR
    29 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Adam Hendershott
    Keep the Maroon 5 to yourself.
  • POLITICALLY ERECT
    BARACKSPLOITATION
    27 June 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Edwin Servaas
    Barack Obama could be the next Ronald Reagan.
  • THUG LIFE
    NEVER TRUST A SHIRTLESS MAN
    06 March 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Matthias Busch
    And other lessons learned from a downtown LA male crack whore...
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    THE CHURCH OF DISNEY
    03 July 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Raminta E.
    We all know that Disney has its hands in everything, but church? Heed this cautionary tale before you think about entering a house of worship.
  • POLITICALLY ERECT
    BARACK OBAMA HAS MADE ME KIND OF RACIST
    11 March 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Edwin Servaas
    I never had a problem with Mexicans until the elections made me realize how much they really don't want a black president. Who knew?
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    ASK A BLACK DUDE: RACIAL SENSITIVITY FOR STUDIOS
    09 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Alexandre Costa
    Cultural sensitivity can be as easy as asking one of "you people."
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    HOW TO BE BLACK IN THE VALLEY
    21 February 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Evert van Rossum
    It's tricker than it sounds.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    INTERVIEW WITH THE BLACK GUY
    14 July 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Derek Erdman
    You've seen him in every horror movie since 1984: the black guy who hangs out with a group of white people he has nothing in common with, whose only purpose is to die first.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    WHO TO KILL AT THE PRODUCTION OFFICE
    19 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: András Jókúti
    Why let Postal Service employees have all the fun?
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    9021-OH LAWDY!
    22 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Edwin Servaas
    The only thing black in Beverly Hills is the heroin.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    TATTOO FORTUNE TELLING
    16 April 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Laura Leinbach
    That Tasmanian Devil on your bicep is like a mirror into your soul...
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    I’M NOT A RAPPER, BUT I LOOK LIKE ONE ON TV
    08 July 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Nil Ultra
    Being a black celebrity on trial makes you a rapper.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    PITCHING WOO
    18 August 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Skirmantë Gudavièiûtë
    Puttin' the moves on a lady, Hollywood-style.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    PEDESTRIANS: LA’S PANSIES
    17 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Aquiel
    If Los Angeles ever gets another football team, they should name it the LA Jaywalkers, because nothing embodies the city's pompous sense of self-worth more than these footed freaks.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    ACCEPTABLE REASONS TO BE LATE FOR WORK
    29 April 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Gabby Hahiashvili
    Because everyone has to fight the traffic.
  • POLITICALLY ERECT
    KMART WANTS TO STIMULATE YOU
    21 July 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Molly Becker
    ...economically.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    NICKARIAH: A TRAIN WRECK MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE
    05 May 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Nadia Lavard
    Everyone loves a trainwreck.
  • LA SURVIVAL GUIDE
    HE’S SO STRAIGHT, HE’S GAY
    01 May 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Le-Croix
    It's official: hyper-machismo is the new gay.
  • POLITICALLY ERECT
    BLACKNESS TIPS FOR BARACK OBAMA
    25 April 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Caresse Haaser
    Let's face it, Obama could be blacker...
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    DAKOTA FANNING, PLAYMATE
    22 September 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: welsix
    Middle-aged starlets flock to Hef like Nancy Grace flocks to murdered babies.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    OPRAH’S BIG SHOVE
    17 April 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Derek Erdman
    The only thing Oprah loves more than giving is Oprah.
  • DEVELOPMENT HELL
    NATIVE AMERICANS’ RESPONSE TO NCAA
    05 March 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Kimball Davis
    Native Americans have been protesting offensive "Indian" sports team names for years now with little success, so they've quietly begun to retaliate by proposing new mascots for various colleges.
  • POLITICALLY ERECT
    HILLARY CLINTON MIGHT BE A REDNECK
    29 May 2008 / Writer: Mark Harris / Artist: Terrence Horan
    ...Or not.
  • Snuffy Johnson
    4

    Snuffy Johnson was born the son of poor parents in Queens, then opened a chain of dry-cleaning stores on the East side of Manhattan.  He has been married to his wife Weezy for almost thirty years, and they have a son, Lionel, who disappointed him by marrying the daughter of the honky next door.

  • Becky Bain
    5

    Becky likes to scuba dive, sky dive, make movies, drink fancy wine and travel. But all of those hobbies are pretty expensive, so she usually just sticks to writing. Words are cheap.

  • McLean McGown
    6

    McLean is an actress/writer from the lovely land of Nashville. She spends her time hiking alone in the hills, writing alone in her apartment, going on lame auditions, and dodging douche bags. She is celibate but takes prenatal vitamins to make her hair grow.

  • Amanda Egge
    7

    Amanda Egge is a writer and comedian living in Los Angeles.  She is also really cute.  If you would like to support her career she is looking for a sponsor/sugar daddy.  She probably will not sleep with you (unless you are also really cute,) but she promises many laughs and inappropriate jokes in exchange for paying her Visa bill.

  • Gus Winkler
    8

    Gus has a very lax attitude towards other people's feelings. He has lived in Los Angeles for a decade and enjoys how impersonal and emotionally barren the city is. Gus enjoys extreme pornography, reflecting on past failures, not having children, and being ignored.

  • Hillel Aron
    9

    Hillel enjoys playing racquetball, eating steak, and reading about the American civil war. You can see him write about politics at www.dipdive.com. You can also find him on facebook and tell him how funny he is.

  • Bob Schriner
    10

    Stories of Bob Schriner conjure images of a man whose pranks and scams are a blend of crime, audacity and high comedy. For years people debated whether he was a fictional character. MadAtoms has found him and given him a safe house in the Hollywood hills.