Mad Atoms

I got a job being the Easter Bunny at the Mission Viejo mall for a couple of months when I was 15. It was one of the more inhumane jobs a person could be exposed to, but I was making $5.75 an hour at my ice cream store job at the time, so getting paid $8 an hour to dress up in a heavy, furry rabbit suit while fat kids sat on my lap seemed like I was stealing money from these people.

I immediately hated the job. But on my last day, I experienced the most motivating moment of my life. I walked back to the communal dressing room at the end of my shift to disrobe and pass the giant plastic rabbit head over to the next EB. When I got back there, I realized that the person taking over for me was the guy who played Santa at the mall during the winter. He was smoking and staring blankly into the distance. I caught his attention as I took off the head, and we had the following conversation:

"You like doing this, kid?"

"No."

"Then STAY IN SCHOOL."

So now, whenever I’m seeking inspiration about my career and life, the face that appears in that cloud above my head isn’t my parents, or God, or Wayne Gretzky… it’s that haggard, Santa-looking mother fucker telling me to stay in school. I’m not even in school anymore, but the message is lasting, loud, depressing, and clear. Stay in school, kids.

Unless it’s acting school.