Mad Atoms

It happens without warning. You’re sitting there, enjoying a beverage at a local saloon, or out on a second date at a romantic restaurant, when all of a sudden a familiar face walks into view. This is not someone you know personally, although you do share an intimate connection. A sense of visual déjà vu washes over you. “She looks familiar,” you say. Are they in the movies? Some kind of reality star or other non-talented celebrity? Is she one of those millions of anonymous models in magazine ads? And then you finally come up with the answer, maybe because the solution had to get up to your brain from your dick: She’s a porn star.  

So how does one act when they finally see someone who they’ve seen take nearly a mile of cock in their various orifices? What does one say to someone responsible for wasting upwards of fifty gallons of sperm throughout the years? Follow these five simple steps and you’ll be home free! 

1. Stay Cool

As with any celebrity sighting, it’s best not to get all fan-boy gushy over someone, especially if that person has been the subject of their own gushing, by which I mean, ejaculation. Just play it cool and treat them like any other person, no matter how deep into their anus you’ve seen.

2. Don’t Tell Them How Much You Like Their Work

Unlike ordinary celebrities who generally enjoy fans coming up to them and relaying how great they think they are, telling a porn star you “enjoy their work” is fucking creepy. Think about it: Essentially you’re going up to a stranger and letting them know that you enjoy jerking off to them. Don’t.

3. Don’t Bring Up Your Dickhead Of A Dad

There’s no way your dad is as big of an asshole as theirs. Except if your last name happens to be “Hitler”.  

4. Try Not To Make A Subtle Comment Hinting You Have An Ample Penis

While these are all well and good while flirting with the normal girl – although, even then, it’s probably not the best idea – with porn stars you’re in the presence of girls that don’t flinch at cocks that are 10 inches. In girth. Sure, you may put local boys to shame with your 8-and-a-half-incher, but there’s a good chance that’s not even going to bump up against these girls’ cervixes. Best put all of that big dick talk away and save it for those who haven’t worked with Blackzilla. 

5. Try To Have Sex With Them

They put out. You’ve seen proof.